Plain Thoughts

Waking up in the early morning makes you feel extremely fresh, so fresh that you put off all the pending work, tune into your favorite tracks and just think! I am doing just that now! Thinking of myself, I feel there is this unexplained feeling in me, something I have no words for.

Something I just cant describe, I dont even know if I am feeling good or bad about it. It may also just be a post-too much work feeling. Really have worked my ass off the last week. In fact that was the compensation I had to pay for enjoying an year and heck, that was the least anyone could ask for. Anyway, the work still hasnt paid back and there is atleast a month before I get to know how fruitful my work has been.

Coming to the feeling that has been haunting me, there is this peace in mind but juxtaposed with it is a strange feeling. Is it feeling of plain lugubriousness or is it the feeling of fear of leaving my four years behind and going ahead? Is it the anxiety of meeting life's responsibilities and changes or is it just the 'fingers-crossed' about the risks taken feeling?

Am literally not willing to go home! Would like to hold on to friends here. Sometimes, I feel I have no reason to go back home to! I can easily put my friends here at number one among things I am most attached to. But, then the show must go on and though I am very scared at the very hint of parting with these friends, I am looking forward to meet each of them as Men!

Men, not by age, but by responsibility in life! How good it would be to meet an old friend! I would be recollecting all our exploits in this place and collecting back on things I have lost in his life and he in mine. All said and done, one thing is sure! The last day of college isnt going to be easy! I am already dead scared about it. I fear losing my friends here, these are all my friends in the truest sense of the word. We all grew up together, in a sense and they are more than friends to me!

When I think of going back to my place after college, I know I will feel out of place. I will feel out of place among friends there, among people there and I am sure I will feel out of place in my own home too! I miss my friends and fun here in the one-month vacations that we get twice an year and to think of no return this time, god save me! :(

Feeling out of place in one's own home is weird and when you know you are going to feel it very soon, what do you do? Its a strange feeling right! I know I can get back to self at home and situation in home will be better, but with other people and places, except an exception or two, is tough! Actually not tough, Impossible!

I fear losing myself, my identity! :( Thankfully, I have a couple of friends there whom I can still carry this on with but I still dont feel sanguine about leaving this place and people, but can do nothing to avoid it. Strange are the ways of life!

Very cheesy, but I give these lines to my friends, esp those of my dearest D Wing, more brothers than friends:

bina tere na ek pal ho na bin tere kabhi kal ho
yeh dil ban jaaye pathhar ka na ismein koi hulchul ho
sanam pe ha ishq pe ha mita doon luta doon
main apani khudi
kasam se ha luta doon mita doon
main yeh hastii

Nostalgia can change you a lot! :(