Realisations

What do you do when you have nothing to do? Seems a bit paradoxical right, probably the morning chat I had at the galla seems to be having its effect. Had it not been for LKP already commenting that I would blog it all, I would have written every bit of it. There was everything in earth and under sun in that discussion. Studies, research, parents, movies, girls, surrealism, truth, belief, science ad infinitum!

Actually, now that the end sem exams are over, people are realising themselves. For the first time I see some people trying new games, trying to get a hang of novels, to roam around in free air and all that! Probably there should be more of such days. Leave aside the initial days of a vacation, teh final days of a semester are real taxing, not only in terms of their demand for more attention towards studies but also pressure, the atmosphere of cribbing and all. Added to that, I have been going through many emotions since the end of my SEN viva. No, this hasn't got anything to do with my viva, that was just a baseline :P.

I realised the importance of responsibility. I realised that beneath every person, there lies a true soul that shows the true colours of the person. Being in the Placement Committee, the responsibility and expectations that are attached to me belittle me. When friends ask me for updates and enquire of the situation I realise how assiduous my effort there ought to be. The day the whole team names were out, I saw some famed names and thought it would be fun working there because every one is bestowed the responsibility by the batch and they beign the so-called good people of the batch will create a level playing field soon. But, what baffled me was the power hunger of a guy who is renowned as one of the best guys of the batch, widely accepted as responsible, level headed and all such good adjectives. But, in the meetings and thereafter I realised he is a big hypocrite and I could say this to no single person. So thought lets tell it to everyone then. When you expect so much of a person and he turns out to be a worthless fellow, not just losing the respect you had for him, you also lose belief in your instincts. Such people are a big letdown! Probably thats why they say, Don't go by looks!

Expectation is a big thing. At the galla meeting today at dawn, I realised things happen the way they happen or we percieve things the way we actually do because of our expectations. Expectations also creep in from the other side into life. Expectations from family and friends. I am lucky that my dad expects nothing from me, he just wants me to go around and learn life. But, seeing my friends I realised that they are burdened by expectations of their parents. My dad isn't a graduate, but probably life has taught him Reverse Engineering. So, the very fact that he has no/not much expectations always pushes me to perform better, give him better results, immense satisfaction and all. Shrewd businessman he is, must say!

I believe it happens with everyone that they want to write lots of things, but when they actually sit down to write something all the mind says is sleep. It could probably be sluggishness, disinterest to let out all their feelings or a writer's block! or it could even be the post-night out blues. Whatever it may be, all I can say is I am suffering from it now and all I can do is publish this and sign off!